Ok, so I have been avoiding posting so as not to go off about something in particular that I've been struggling with recently. My small group last night helped me realize that it's ok to let it out.... you can therefore blame them if any of the following bothers you :)
Ever since Nate and I got engaged, almost every single conversation I have had with somebody starts with either "Ok, tell me the WHOLE story!!" or "How are the wedding plans??". I am sooooo the wrong personality to deal with that! I am more than an engaged person... I'm still me. I still have struggles, I have other things going on in my life. I love that people are excited for me, i'm excited too... but I can't let this wedding be my whole life. It is a HUGE part of it right now, that is unavoidable and I am enjoying it in a lot of ways. Here is where the problems lie~
-I love that you care, but PLEASE ask me anything else before you ask me about the plans. I don't mind talking about them, but not all the time and not as the very first thing I am approached about every single time someone talks to me.... When it is all that is talked about, it begins to give you the feeling that the only thing that makes you worthwhile is the wedding.
-I know this may disappoint some people, but I cannot be the bouncing off the wall giddy bride. It wasn't my personality before I got engaged and it still isn't. Please know that I am excited... very excited :)... but I may not be able to show it in the way a bride "should". If you want to see a giddy bride, look here... She is adorable about it :)
I feel like I am failing to live up to some societal standard of behavior for engaged girls, it's frustrating :P If you have looked at the link above, I agree with Erin.... It is hard to be engaged. Your single friends begin to put distance (even if only slightly) and you don't belong with the marrieds yet. It inspires a sort of identity crisis.... Who am I? I'm not truly a single, nor am I a married... it's tough. God has been showing me through this that I can't put my identity in my marital status (or lack thereof :) I can only put my identity in Him. I am a child of God, an adopted daughter. Ok, breathing now :)
5 years ago
1 comment:
I think people ask you about the wedding because they care about the things going on in your life but will be absolutely excited that you can talk about other things as well...especially because I know that you are someone that will still care about what's going on in their lives as well(which can sometimes be rare for engaged people).
Also,sometimes people might distance themselves because they're used to the whole summitt, you move upstairs and shun all of your friends when you get married thing and have been really hurt in the past. But if you love them dearly and pursue their friendship in the midst of it, I think it will be immeasurably valuable to you to keep those friends through this time. It just make take some extra work and grace on both sides. I guess I feel like I need to comment on this because so many of my friends did kind of leave me when they got married and it means so much more - the ones that have stayed intentional and maintained our friendships (like my dear friend Lisa that came to Calgary over the last week with her husband and her 6 month old baby). Personally, I think maintaining those friendships is critical because singles and married have so much to offer each other. Like now I know who to call on now if I am ever engaged and need advice!
(And speaking of being intentional...sorry I'm such a horrible friend and haven't called you yet...I've been meaning to and will soon)
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